I haven’t ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, fucking, ever felt this way before.
Never.
I’ve always made generic decisions when it came to dealing with someones feelings, always considering how that person would feel, and unfortunately forgetting how it would affect me in the long run. Relationship wise. I’d always put them before me, because that’s what God says to do. Put others before yourself. Thinking that, even if I wasn’t happy, I’d hopefully be some kind of positive aspect to that persons life.
Unfortunately it doesn’t always work that way. People get hurt. People get really fucking hurt. I’ve hurt a lot of people for doing what I did.
But, I’ve waited so long for this… and what if this was all part of the plan?
I’ve NEVER felt this way for someone, ever, in my life before. I’ve never felt things fit so perfectly. I’ve never felt equally taken care of. I’ve never felt so considerate, so nice, so unselfish. Being here, being with you, has really made me more conscious about not worrying about what others thought about me, what my feelings projected, or constantly calling people out on being gay.
It’s hilarious, but I’ve finally let myself stop.
Tell me how it feels to finally be with someone who you separated from 6 years ago. Having a relationship that was completely platonic and having nothing but mental and emotional dedication to them. We didn’t even fight that much. I didn’t think it was even possible to feel this way about someone after I suppressed my feelings for this long. Then physical contact approaches the both of you and it seriously is the biggest slap in the face when you realize the two of you aren’t that much different and are more mature than you were 6 years ago.
I’m here and I don’t want this to end.
I’m sorry if I hurt anyone and if I still am, but I hope you understand…
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